Nonverbal Communication

It is incredible to watch a pilot episode of a popular television show for the first time – without captions or voice. My son had suggested a popular TV show, How I Met Your Mother, to write about for this blog assignment. I had seen promotional advertisements and vignettes of the show, and it appeared to be a form of Friends ensemble. I literally had no idea what it was all about when I attempted to watch the pilot episode. And only a few of my assumptions had been correct! At the end of the post is a description of the pilot episode.

Without captions or voice, here’s a running assumption of the show episode and whether it was correct.

Character Assumption

Ted, the main character, seemed happy-go-lucky bachelor who was interested in meeting women and having sex but never did want to get married.

Actually: He is a lovable character who does not know social dating cue

Character Assumption

Ted’s best friend, Marshall, is not your usual male Lothario. He just proposed to his long-time girlfriend.

Actually:  My assumption about Marshall was correct.

Character Assumption

Lily appeared to be a school teacher. Cue was a handprint on her shirt.

Actually: My assumption about Lily was correct.

Character Assumption

Barney was a little too opinionated based on his physical mannerisms and facial expressions.

Actually: My assumption about Barney was correct

Event Assumption

Two narrators who appeared to be a female and a male in their early 20s looking bored.

Actually: Their uncle was telling them a story from off-screen.

Event Assumption

There was a male proposing to his male roommate.

Actually: He was practicing his proposal to Lily, his long-time girlfriend.

Event Assumption

Robin came with a group of girlfriends who appeared annoyed at her flirtation with Ted.

Actually: One of the girlfriends was dumped and she was mad at all guys.

Event Assumption

When Robin and Ted were at her apartment door, a TV news van came up to them looking for news.

Actually: Robin was actually a TV reporter; they told her they needed her to report on the breaking news.

 Nonverbal Behaviors: Tactile such as pats on the back or shoulder

Function: Barney pats Ted a lot on his back or shoulders.

Nonverbal Behaviors: Gestures

Function: Almost all characters gestured to encourage additional information. One extended his hand, and the female shook his hand. In that particular TV show episode, that was a lingering handshake that was supposed to be the signal to kiss.

Nonverbal Behaviors: Body Orientation

Function: All characters – mostly Barney – have certain body orientation to represent their characters and the actions of the episode.

Nonverbal Behaviors: Facial Expressions

Function: Again, all characters had facial expressions that represented the events in the episode. However, I misread most of those facial expressions.

Nonverbal Behaviors: Facial Expressions

It was really astonishing to see how we can assume more than we should about both people’s characters and incidents/events. O’Hair et al (2011) wrote, “Don’t assume that because you observe someone being happy, sad, or angry, and so on, you know the reason” (p.104)

How I Met Your Mother is a comedy about Ted (Josh Radnor) and how he fell in love. It all starts when Ted's best friend, Marshall (Jason Segel), drops the bombshell that he's going to propose to his long-time girlfriend, Lily (Alyson Hannigan), a kindergarten teacher. At that moment, Ted realizes that he had better get a move on if he too hopes to find true love. Helping him in his quest is Barney (Neil Patrick Harris), a friend with endless, sometimes outrageous opinions, a penchant for suits and a foolproof way to meet women. When Ted meets Robin (Cobie Smulders), he's sure it's love at first sight, but destiny may have something else in store (tv.com, n.d.).

References

How I Met Your Mother. (n.d.). TV.com. Retrieved from: http://www.tv.com/shows/how-i-met-your-mother/

O'Hair, D., Friedrich, G. W., & Dixon, L. D. (2011). Strategic communication in business and the professions. Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

The Great Communicator

This week has had been eye-opening for me; I had not realized that there are communication principles put out by organizations that have a vested interest in such principles. The National Communication Association (NCA) has a NCA Credo for Ethical Communication. The National Association of the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) has a Code of Ethical Conduct and Statement of Commitment. Both NAEYC and NCA have a vision for fundamentally ethical communication that would “enhance human worth and dignity by fostering truthfulness, fairness, responsibility, personal integrity, and respect for self and others” (National Communication Association, 1999, para.1).

I have been trying to think of someone who had demonstrated competent communication within a particular context. I thought that one of my church pastors had that communication magic that did foster a sense of fairness and enhance human worth and dignity. It was during one of the more volatile social issues of “illegal immigration” in the early 1990s. The debate was getting more and more heated and polarizing by the day. It would also flare up and cool down and the cycle went on for a long time – unfortunately, we are still dealing with the very same issue. At that time, I was lukewarm about the issue. I could see both points of view. I live in Southern California where it was probably more prominent than in other parts of the country. My thoughts about illegal immigration today was molded and strengthened by our head pastor, Dr. Donald McCullough.

After our church members would ask him privately how we were supposed to respond to the social issue, Dr. McCullough decided to take the issue head-on and surprised the congregation one Sunday with his choice of topic for his sermon. He told us that he had been pondering that issue as did everyone else for a very long time. He decided to read through the Bible to find any potential or possible reason to offer us some resolution and even possibly peace. He said he found nothing to refer to “immigration” of any kind, but that he found something that could be used to frame the issue. Unfortunately, it was a long time ago and I could not remember the specifics of his sermon. Let it suffice that his words changed my life in more than one way.

He suggested that in God’s view, there should not be any boundaries. He went further to say that we had a responsibility to nurture everyone that was within our sphere. He said that those people took care of our children (as nannies), cleaned our houses, and tended to our gardens. He then asked why we would not want them in our communities. That was the turning point for me.

His sermons were always relevant to our modern lives, and cut to the chase, and yet, they were not judgmental or proselytizing. Every week I looked forward to learning how to live our lives better and as Christians. I miss his sermons and think of him frequently when I wonder about some of today’s social issues.

Ultimately, he communicated in a manner that did not provoke but presented his thoughts in a “courageous expression of personal convictions in pursuit of fairness and justice” (NCA, 1999, para.8).

References

National Communication Association. (1999). NCA Credo for Ethical Communication. Retrieved September 2015 from: https://www.natcom.org/uploadedFiles/About_NCA/Leadership_and_Governance/Public_Policy_Platform/PDF-PolicyPlatform-NCA_Credo_for_Ethical_Communication.pdf

Professional Hopes and Goals

My goal is to be able to promote signed language acquisition for all of the diverse families with deaf children. Pediatrics, the official publication of the American Academy of Pediatrics, has come out last July with the following edict about deaf children learning American Sign Language:

Children need to learn language. They must learn it from parents, teachers, and their community. The more languages they learn, the better these children will be able to communicate. All children would be better off if their parents all spoke 5 languages and taught all 5 to their children;…Deaf children of hearing (and nonsigning) parents are unique among all children in the world in that they cannot easily or naturally learn the language that their parents speak. Hearing (and nonsigning) parents of deaf children are unique in that they are asked to learn, at least in a rudimentary way, a new and foreign language to communicate with their children. Some parents eagerly and willingly take on this challenge; others do not or cannot. As pediatricians, we need to keep up-to-date on the latest research, translate that research into language that parents can understand, and help them make choices that are best for their child, their family, and themselves. There are no risks to learning sign language along with spoken language, but there are well-defined benefits. For parents and families who are willing and able, this approach seems to be clearly preferable to an approach that focuses solely on oral communication (Mellon, N. et al, 2015).

I have this goal and hope for equity for American Sign Language (ASL) so that deaf children will become more Kindergarten-ready because they have healthy language development.

Thank you to all of my Diversity colleagues for all of the robust conversations during our weekly Discussions. Especially because I do not have the experiences of a classroom, I have learned quite a lot from those of you who shared their classroom expertise. As with all my previous Walden classes, I shall miss interacting with you all.

References

Mellon, N., Niparko, J., Rathmann, C., Mathur, G., Humphries, T., Napoli, D. J., Handley, T., Scambler, S., Lantos, J. (July 2015). Should all deaf children learn sign language? Pediatrics, 136, 170-176.

Welcoming the Family from Slovakia

In an homage to my father’s heritage, I am choosing to welcome a family from Slovakia into my classroom. Here are some of the ways I would welcome the child and the family into the Kindergarten classroom. The classroom activities would depend on a number of factors such as the grade of the classroom and whether the new student is already speaking English. Additionally, it would also depend on whether I have local resources to tap into such as a community of speakers.

I would inform my class of the new student coming in on Monday. Then we would look at the map. We will look for their capital, Bratislava and mark it. I would also show pictures of some of the their known points of interest such as Bratislava Castle, HighTatras, and Michael’s Gate. We would keep the map up on the wall and create a welcoming sign. It would be put up next to the map.

If I could, I would have a translator come to the classroom to interpret for both our class and the family when we welcome the child and the family to the classroom. I would ask the family to introduce themselves in their native language and have the children introduce themselves as well. Then possibly, we would ask the parents to teach us how to pronounce the child’s first and last names.

We would have either one of the family members or a Slovakian community member talk about the history of Slovakia and use the welcoming map that we have on the wall.

We would then read a children’s book about Slovakia; possibly someone from the community of Slovakian speakers can read the book in Slovakia and then again in English. Slovakia: Picture Book is a great choice, and so is Ogistis ak souri li or Augustus and his Smile.

In consultation with the family, I would host a day when we would eat Slovakia food in the classroom. Although I know we eat stuffed cabbages, I would check with the family to make sure they still eat the same type of food as I did.

There is a list of folk festivals – usually during the summer months -- with dancing, local costumes, and food. I would consult with the family to see which folk festival or tradition that is important to them. Then invite them to host it for the class and if appropriate for the entire school body. I could ask the PTA to sponsor the event if it becomes a school-wide event.

Finally, even if the child has been welcomed into the classroom, I would periodically check in with the family to make sure they are adjusting to life in the United States and in the community where they live, whether there is anything they would like to know more about. Whether they think if their child is doing fine in the classroom. Whether there’s anything we could be doing more of for the child and the family.

The attention to the individual child benefits the child and the family by our communicating through our actions that the child is important and worth our taking actions to ensure that the child is adjusting and having her/his needs met.

“Why don’t you get a cochlear implant?” I get that more frequently of late because of media attention to the wonders of cochlear implantation. I get that from random people from a sales clerk to a restaurant waitress to well-meaning staff at the doctor’s office. In more cases than not, they think they are kind to let me know in case I might not know about it.

Such questions are a form of microaggression, more specifically, a microinsult that suggests that I as a deaf person is inferior in one way or another (Laureate Education, 2011). As Dr. Sun (Laureate Education, 2011) explains it, the question – in my perspective -- “saps the spiritual and psychological energies of the person especially because it is cumulative in nature.” However, in the perspective of the people asking me the question, they believe they are being friendly and admire me for what I have done.

The question is very insensitive and ignorant toward me and represents the ignorance of the person asking the question. They might believe one of those or all of those: that my ears need fixing; that my life is limiting; that my life will improve with restored hearing. Truth be told, my ears do not need fixing, my life feels privileged to me, and I have a great life as a Deaf person. That is not something that most people will believe or understand. I do not understand how they would think that a piece of technology would make me feel whole, as if I do not feel whole in my body. As I would always say, “I am perfect in my imperfection.”

I would politely and firmly respond, “no thank you.” I bet that they would consider my response offensive or rude. Thus, I feel invalidated.

If you look around, listen to radio or news, or read, you will notice that Deaf people are not their own spokespersons.  We are powerless to correct the constant barrage of misinformation about deaf people and their hearing “loss.” After detailing our hearing loss, they would proceed to outline medical solutions in which they have vested interests. It is an illusion that we must have hearing to accomplish in our lives. And more importantly, it is their internalized privilege to speak on our behalf.

Deaf people have to speak up more often to stop this microaggression of deaf people. Social media has been a boon to our effort to reclaim our signed languages and our lives.